RADIO FREE JÄRBO Inte samma Gävle skit.
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| "OK, now listen up. THIS is how you are going to vote. Got it?" |
10 Points: Portugal
8 Points: Malta
7 Points: Switzerland
6 Points: Norway
5 Points: France
4 Points: Spain
3 Points: Belgium
2 Points: Bulgaria
1 Point: Albania
Got it? Now VOTE!
Det går inte för oss at rösta på Sveriges bidrag.
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| "Someone should drop a house on whoever said you could sing!" |
Read along with us as we comment on the acts, but don't forget to read our report on all of the finalists as well, just below. Then come back to see how our jury voted and how you should vote.
Do not believe that Italy won. Absolutely speechless.
San Marino: Flo Rida rules this song, which is otherwise banal and vapid.
Sweden: He's never done it better. Hejja Leksand!
Italy: Ok.
Netherlands: Love it. Love how different it is and his great voice.
Norway: Love the song. Liberace is jealous of that outfit!
Azerbaijan: We have another winner--but for dumbest lyrics.
France: WOW!
Ukraine: Gunnar went for a wee. I was tapping my foot.
Lithuania: I want his outfit! If it was a dance contest, they would win.
Bulgaria: I loved it. Gunnar isn't so impressed.
Finland: It's kind of growing on me, like athlete's foot does.
Germany: That was fun!
Moldova: A lot of energy for a crap song.
Spain: Nailed it. I'm crying.
Iceland: Ya. Whatever.
Switzerland: Goosebumps.
Greece: Someone please write her a decent song. Please?
UK: Like the song but it needed more energy than he gave it tonight.
Serbia: Here come the lips!
Portugal: We have another winner. Love it.
Malta: We have a winner.
Russia: Only on Eurovision.
Belgium: Great song. Could it win?
Israel: Great performance of a dumb song.
Albania: Love it. Even the makeup put on with a spray gun.
Cyprus: Yuck. Same stupid shit.
Get ready for the final!
I must say, we are shaking our heads here at the Radio Free Järbo Studios over the results of the semifinals. We are really shocked that a number of really great songs did not make it through (Austria, Estonia, North Macedonia), while a number of bouncy bad songs did make it through (I'm looking at you Cyprus, Israel, Moldova, San Remo, Serbia). Maybe it is a sing of the times. Maybe after a year of dealing with viruses, illnesses, deaths, and lockdowns, people just want to take the mask off and dance.
Here is our rundown of the songs in the Grand Final based on watching the official videos, and the two Semi Finals. They are presented in running order so you can follow along. An asterisk ( * ) by the name means we think you should vote for it.
Be sure to check back here before voting so we can tell you how to vote. And we'll have the results of the official Radio Free Järbo professional jury! We'll be live blogging through the show as well.
Cyprus: There’s a stripper in Los Vegas who wants her dress
back! This hot mess brings “formulaic” to new lows. How it got
through to the final when so many better songs got sent home is beyond me. Was
Satan actually voting? “This is horrible,” Gunnar says. I think
he’s being too kind.
PS. Cancel the dress return. The stripper decided it made
her look too cheap.
*Albania: This song by Anxhela Peristeri has that blend of Eastern and Western music that the Balkans do so well in their ballads. She has a really nice set of lungs and really
does the song proud. Not sure about the
choice of costume, though.
Israel: Listening to the song without any video, it came
across as about as original as that can of peas I just opened, and less
enjoyable. Gunnar said, “Null points.” Her stage presence improved
it, and I think it was the performance more than the song that got her into the
final.
*Belgium: Hooverphonic brings us a captivating song that stands
out because of how interesting it is musically. Once the song starts,
they hold you all the way through. That makes the abrupt ending more
painful. “The three minute curse.” The lead singer has the right voice for this
song and carries it really well.
Russia: While we have to admit the staging is
engaging and the music far from the Eurovision norm, it doesn’t really speak to
us in the end. Partly because, if you
don’t know the language, there isn’t much to get out of a song like this,
however much fun they were having on stage.
*Malta: With a command of the stage that grabs you from the
first note, Destiny has our hearts with this really fun song. She is the
perfect vehicle for this music and even makes you forget that, well, she’s not
singing the most literary lyrics. Sometimes we don’t care. I now
blurt out “Je me casse” just for fun. Favorite part, where she says,
“Pardon my French.” My only regret is that the song she would have
competed with in 2020 was even better and would have won. This one
might. We’ll see.
*Portugal: It is rare for a Eurovision song to go so
bluesy, and it is very welcome in this great tune from Black Mamba. I like the simplicity of the song, and after
seeing the video, was a little afraid it wouldn’t translate to the big
stage. They turned in on in the Semi
Final, though and nailed it. Their
presence in the Grand Final is a welcome surprise.
Serbia: Say hello to the Serbian Kardashian
sisters. We’re all for mindless drivel
on occasion, but this is a bit too mindless.
Frankly, we think those who voted for it, and will vote for it now, are a little “loco loco”
themselves.
*United Kingdom: More of a “get up and dance” number than the
UK normally sends to Eurovision, “Embers” is a welcome change. I hope he can get the energy on stage that
the video has and that he gets the audience at home up and dancing. The UK normally gets ignored in the voting,
even on the rare occasion they send a worthy song. (And this is better than the
song he would have had in 2020.) He
won’t win, of course, but he really should place respectably, unless block voting torpedos it.
PS. If you haven’t seen the BBC’s parody
of Line of Duty with James Newman in it, look it up. If you know the show, it’s hilarious.
Greece: Probably some of the most interesting
staging we’ve seen so far, which is needed, because the song is indecipherable. My initial notes on hearing it alone (no
video) was that someone should take the pen away from whoever wrote it. She did sell it on the night, though, and
that redeemed it some. I wonder how
long it takes her to get in and out of that sequined tight purple number she
wears.
*Switzerland: Gjon’s Tears was the only solo male balladeer who made it through the second semifinal. Part of what makes this song so lovely is that his voice matches the beauty of the music. Something about the combination draws you in from the first note and keeps you with him until the end. I’m not as big a fan of his voice when he is in the higher registers, though.
Iceland: It’s a fun little number for sure, and they can sing, but we’re not among the people who are in love with it. We’re not sure why bookies are giving it high odds to win.
*Spain: Spain
finally sends a Eurovision entry that doesn’t totally suck! Wow! No, it doesn’t hurt that he is easy on the
eyes, either. I hope he can channel all
of the emotion that is behind the song and make the audience feel
it. If so, even corona-weary Europe will vote for it.
Moldova: More saccharine than sugar. Great choreography to a dull song. The video looks like Pee Wee’s Play House was turned into a brothel.
*Germany: The video for this song is really cute and very funny. But the little clip we saw of the stage
performance almost seemed as if he were out of breath trying to sing the words
that fast, enunciate them (in a second language no less), and do the
choreography. It might not work out on stage,
which is too bad.
Finland: I guess the “happiest people in the world”
like angry hard rock. We do, too, but
don’t find this a particularly good example of the genre.
*Bulgaria: There
is something very likable about this number that I can’t quite put my finger
on, and the voters in the second semifinal must have felt it, too to send her
on. She has one of the better female
voices, and doesn’t need gimmicks (I'm looking at you, Azerbaijan). Just
good simple singing that tells the story extremely well.
Lithuania: The song by itself was speechlessly bad and the
official video was worse. The live performance was a actually better, and
really had the crowd going, although not us. Just not a fan of this kind
of song. We are very surprised this went through to the final, but
apparently, they have a lot of fans.
Ukraine: The Eastern sounding music is quite
interesting, but the constant screaming
doesn’t enhance it. “Couldn’t end fast
enough,” says Gunnar.
*France: Very, very, very, very, very French song,
and a nice one at that. I like her
voice and her delivery, both of which are perfect for the song. Women balladeers seem to be faring better
this year than the men, so she should do well.
In any event, I think the French singers and song writers to whom she
pays tribute are being done proud.
Azerbaijan: If there were a prize for most banal lyrics, this song
would win hands down. It’s too bad, because the music sounds like it
comes from the Caucasus, and that usually lends an appealing quality. But this
Ariana Grande knock-off number is of the same quality as the $5
"Gucci" handbags you buy from a blanket on the sidewalk on Canal
Street in New York City. And by the way, when you need all those
electronic enhancements to your song, it means your voice is crap. And
your mangey little song, too.
PS: As the commentator on Swedish TV pointed out, Mata Hari was a Dutch woman acting as a spy for Germany during World War
I. Did Azerbaijan think this one through before presenting the song in
Rotterdam? Nobody tell them and let's see how long it takes for them to
figure it out.
*Norway: Ok, so this song is a little formulaic, too,
but there is something very likable about it, even though it’s not a show
stopper. He sang extremely well in the
semi, surpassing what he did in the video.
I liked the staging. The story of
why he calls himself “Tix” is worth looking up.
*The Netherlands: One of our favorites and is high up on our top
10. For one thing, it’s unique in the
competition for its use of those “rebellious” African rhythms. We also like his voice. Watch the video for what would have been his
2020 entry; it shows how good his voice is.
Would it be rude for the host country to win again?
Italy: See
Finland. Ditto, except for the happy
people part.
*Sweden: Ok, maybe a teensy bit of bias here. This is not Sweden’s strongest Eurovision
entry ever, but it is a solid performance of a solid song, even if it is pretty
typical in many ways of the output from Sweden’s Södertälje Factory. It would have been a national tragedy had he
not qualified. How Tusse showed up in
Sweden alone several years ago and now represents it in Eurovision is an amazing
story. And he’s from Leksand! Gunnar sager, “Mormor skulle säga Sverige är
kaput.” It’s not that bad.
San Marino: This is not the worst song in the competition (that honor goes to Latvia this year we think), but it is certainly up there. Without Flo Rida, she would be on her way home by now for sure. He saved this “ten-a-penny” disaster. Gunnar says, “What a waste of cute boys."
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| "It's alright dear. We all know Europe's musical taste is up its ass." |
Well, the first semifinals were held and I must say, we are scratching our heads a bit at the results. We'll have more to say about those who made it through to the final when we report on that later (and trust me--much of it won't be pretty) but first, let's have a look at the ones who got away.
Australia: No, thank you. Montaigne had a mess of a song with disorganized staging. There might be a good singing voice in there somewhere, but it was hard to find. "Painful," said Gunnar.
Austria: When we did our initial listen and then watched the video, we liked his voice and the song but didn't love it. I think his presentation on the stage was much better and he nailed it to the wall. Europe, however, didn't want men singing serious songs in the final, I guess, and he didn't make it through.
Croatia: How can a boring song have such a catchy beat? Here is one of many good voices with a terrible song, in spite of the fact that it hit number 1 on the Croatian charts. Gunnar just said, "Forgettable."
Czech Republic: Benny has such a nice stage presence and you want to be his friend, but you don't want to listen to this song. It has a catchy beat but not much else. "Hit the gong," Gunnar says.
Denmark: If you want to relive the 80's, emulate the good music of the era. This doesn't do that. Yes, it was on our Top 10 for the second semifinal (of which we only picked 8), but that's because there weren't any other songs we could stand to put there.
Estonia: It's a small country but it manages to send a lot of high quality songs to Eurovision, this one among them. It was a huge surprise--not to mention disappointment--when Uku Suviste did not make it through to the final. This was a very good song, although maybe not a show stopper. We think his 2020 song was much better. And there will be a lot less eye-candy in the finals now.
PS: Check out the pictures of him online in his workout wear.
Georgia: There is something about his voice we liked, but this song came across more like a funeral dirge than anything else. Gunnar said, "More courage than talent," although I'm not sure I agree. It's the wrong song for him. Gunnar also said it reminded him of William Shatner singing "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." With that, I do agree. Look for it on You Tube.
Ireland: We at radio Free Järbo usually love the entries from Ireland and then pout as they go down in flames, like Lesley Roy did. This was not, however, one of the Irish entries I liked. The song wasn't very engaging, even if her voice is the kind that I like. The staging was quite interesting--especially when she came dancing down towards the audience and we got to see how the special effects were created. In the end, the song wasn't strong enough, and her voice let her down tonight. It seemed like female singers owned the night, just not this female singer.
Latvia: Hand down the worst song in the competition--and there is competition for that. Ridiculous staging.
North Macedonia: The night biggest WTF moment was when Ukraine took the last spot meaning Vasil failed to qualify for the final. Here is a classically trained singer with excellent diction--you could hear every word--and total control over every note. He performed it live even better than on the video. When we first heard it, Gunnar said "Douze Points." And yet, Europe hated it. It is typical of the ESC that someone who can really sing is overlooked for those using more pyrotechnics than vocals. No, it wasn't especially "fun" and did sound a bit "Broadway show tune that brings the curtain down at the end of the first act," but it deserved to go on to the final far more than many of the bad songs that did.
Poland: Just plan boring. Rafal doesn't have much of a voice, or at least if he does, this song doesn't show it. It's the audience needs the sunglasses to miss his boring stage presentation.
Romania: The first impression of this song, "Amnesia" was that it was "forgettable," pun intended. Her performance on stage was significantly better we thought and actually won us over. But it was not better enough to get on our top 10 list. Apparently, Europe felt the same way.
Slovenia: No, it wasn't a good night for the former Yugoslav republics. Ana Soklič has a good voice, but this just wasn't a good song. Every now and then in the song it threatened to break out into something better but never quite got anywhere in the end.
#Eurovision2021 #semifinal1
As usual, we are just shaking our heads over the results. Just don't understand why anyone who could actually sing was overlooked for people who pose and screech. Oh well, that's Eurovision.
Our top 10 (only we only like 8 of them):
Entre Act: What does a Dutchman wear under his kilt?
Denmark: Fun. And made me smile. But I hate it.
Switzerland: He SOLD that beautiful song.
Latvia: How do you say "beyond painful" in Latvian?
Finland: This from the "happiest country in the world?" ?????
Bulgaria: Kind of like it.
Portugal: My love is on his side tonight. Gunnar says "Douze Points"
Albania: Always a sucker for a good Balkan ballad.
Georgia: Don't like it but can't quite hate it either. Gunnar is mixing cocktails.
Serbia: Kim Kardasian wants her pajamas back!
Iceland: Not sure about this one....
Moldova: Did she borrow that dress from Cyprus?
Poland: Kind of boring. Can he actually sing?
Austria: Loved it. REALLY want his jacket! Super good live performance.
Greece: She's gorgeous. Wonderful voice. Total CRAP song. Nice staging though.
Czech Republic: Not working for me. He's better on the video.
Estonia: Love the song. Love him more.
San Marino: Good start. Hate the song. Flo Rida was the best part. Maybe San Marino should just have sent him.
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| We all sound good in the shower-- we just don't all look good in the shower these days. |
That's right folks! We're finally back in the saddle, so to speak and ready to rock and roll, waltz and cha-cha, and other musically enjoy ourselves for the one and only Eurovision Song Contest 2021.
All those other sites and television stations (they know who they are and you know who they are) can't compare to the kind of coverage you've come to know and love, expect and maybe dread from none other than Radio Free Järbo.
Yes, we will be live blogging through the final on Saturday.
Keep posted all this week for the best of the best when Eurovision gets underway.
#Eurovision 2021
