The Raido Free Järbo Expert's Guide to Eurovision 2024

"My career is over.  Radio Free Järbo just endorsed me for Eurovision!"

So, here it is.  The annual Radio Free Järbo Eurovision run down.  This is the time of year when the Eurovision participants check our blog to make sure we haven't put them at the top of our list, because, a vote from us is apparently the kiss of death.  In all of the years we've been doing this, we seem to be way out of touch with the rest of Eurovision fandom, and never pick the winner.   So be it; we still think we're right.

The starred entries are the ones you like, so now you know how to vote.  

*Albania

Besa. “Titan”
Although there is nothing really new in this song, there is something very catchy about it, which, when it picks up is very danceable.  However, we miss the Balkan influence that Albania typically has in its entries, and which is refreshing.

Armenia

Ladaniva.  “Jacko”

The song itself has pleasing middle eastern tones in it, but it is the video that makes it.  We are afraid the energy, color, and meaning of the video will be hard to pull off on the grand stage.  And the subtitles, explaining the true meaning of the song, certainly help and might be needed.

*Australia

Electric Fields. “One Mikali”

Drunk at last call in a dance club, I certainly would dance to it.  Otherwise, I could frankly live without it.  Gunnar disagrees, “It might be one of the better ones!”  (Although I suspect that comment is born of cynicism about this year’s field.). At least the lyrics are important in today’s world.  

Austria

Kaleen.  “We Will Rave”

Not in the least original or listenable, no one is our house is raving about this unoriginal bore.  “Even the cute boys in the video couldn’t save it,” says Gunnar.  Indeed.  The Bruce Webber inspired video doubles as soft core porn.  

Azerbaijan

Fahree featuring Ilkin Dovlatov.  “Özünlə Apar”

What a beautiful voice he has which is perfect for this interesting blend of pop and middle eastern music.  The beat keeps it moving but the singing keeps you engaged.  Love the way the strings are used.  The only criticism is that the music at times drowns out the singing, but that may be a stylistic thing.

Belgium

Mustii.   “Before the Party’s Over”

It’s funny, I want to like the song but just can’t.  It’s one of those songs that has really nice moments where you think a good song is going to break through, but it never quite does so.  If he is as scantily clad at Eurovision as he is in the video, he might get the “cute boy” vote. Tied with Austria for the video closest to soft core porn.  

Croatia

Baby Lasagna.  “Rim Tim Tagi Dim”

There is nothing wrong with a song that relies heavily on the energy.  At least the lyrics tell a nice story.  My issue with it is that it is someone yelling over loud rock music, even if good rock music, rather than singing to it.  It’s just not a style I like; I know others do.

Cyprus

Silia Apsis.  “Liar”

Nothing new, unique, or terribly interesting in this song.  It could have been an entry from any country from the past 10 years or so.  If this were a dance contest, she’d be up there.

Czechia

Aiko.  “Pedestal”

While I like the idea conveyed by the lyrics (such as they are), I don’t like the music or her voice, even though it should carry over the large stage.

Denmark

Saba.  “Sand”

Well, this could have been pretty much any Scandinavian entry from the past 10 years.  Too bad, because her voice deserves a better song to sing.

Estonia

5MIINUST x Puuluup.  “(nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi”

Normally Estonia sends beautifully songs by very good singers to Eurovision, but this year they are taking a page out of Finland’s book and sending something very unique.  We know they are having a lot of fun in the video; doing what, we are not quite sure  It is a fun song to listen to nonetheless.  

*Finland

Windows95man.  “No Rules!”

What was I just saying about Finland?  “No Rules” seems to describe the country’s approach to their Eurovision entires.  That said, this is a fun song and the video of them performing it on stage is a joy to watch.  It will bring the house down in Malmo for sure.  And I pity whoever goes after them.

*France

Slimane.  “Mon Amour”

What a gorgeous song and what a gorgeous voice of which Slimane  is in full control.  OK, the song is VERY French sounding, but in the best way.  It feels like Silmane is channeling all of the great French singers before him and belting out a tribute to them, as well as everyone who’s had their heart broken.  The juries should like it; Europe will hate it.  (Hey, Slimane.  Marco Mengoni wants the vest you wore in the video when you’re done with it.)

Georgia

Nuts Buzaladze. “Firefighter”

Copy what I said about Cyprus above and paste it here.

*Germany

Isaak.  “Always on the Run”

While there is a typical Eurovision-y sound to it, his voice carries the song off very nicely.  We like it.

Greece

Marina Satti.  “Zari”

All I’m going to say is “There’s not enough ouzo in the world…”

Iceland

Hera Bjork. “Scared of Heights”

Maybe not the best song in the bunch, and no where near as good as her hit “Je ne sais quoi.” It is nice that the lyrics actually make sense (i.e. it’s not “Abba English”).  Her voice is right for it, but, at least in the video, she seems to have stage fright.  She’ll need to sell it and sell it big to make it work in a large venue and across the television lines.

Ireland

Bambie Thug.  “Doomsday Blue”

Tired of sending good songs that Europe ignores, Ireland is extracting its revenge on Europe with this entry.  There’s a good song in there somewhere that has been overwhelmed with the generational angst that probably doesn’t speak to my generation.  Hopefully it speaks to others.  It’s original, even if a cautionary tale for me in wanting something original.  The video looks like Tim Burton did it while on a very bad trip from psychedelic mushrooms.

Israel

Eden Golan.  “Hurricane”

I’m not sure the mandated change of lyrics hide what this song is really about.  It is unclear as I write this that Eden will go or should go to Sweden.  It’s too bad the politics of the situation will be at play here.  She’s got one of the nicest voices in the group this year, even if she’s been given only an OK song, and not a great one.  

Italy

Angelina Mango. “La Noia”

We kind of like her voice and a there’s not doubt that she’s a very good entertainer.  For all its energy, the song doesn’t quite work for us.  

Latvia

Dons.  “Hollow”

I’m not sure I like it, but I’m sure I don’t hate it.  I do like his voice.  Gunnar says it is one of the better ones, but with a tone of voice that indicates the bar is low this year. 

Lithuania

Silvester Belt.  “Luktelk”

Not fans of this one.  His voice just isn’t good enough or strong enough to compete with the the percussion and electronic elements, on which the song is also too dependent.

Luxembourg

Tali.  “Fighter”

Welcome back, Luxembourg!  After more than 30 years it would be nice to see Luxembourg make it through to the finals.  This song is an interesting mixture of a traditional French ballad with a little Latin beat for good measure.  I’m not sure it fully gels, though.  I do like her voice and wish she had better material with which to show it off.  

Malta

Sarah Bonnici.  “Loop”

If the competition was about having the most costume changes in a three minute video, she’d win. But this is supposedly a song contest, and she’s competing with a song that is a waste of a good three minutes.  

Moldova

Natalia Barbu.  “In the Middle”

I’m sure this song is meaningful at home in Moldova, but we don’t think it will say much outside of it. 

Netherlands

Joost Klein.  “Europapa” 

We’re not quite certain what this song is really about, even after reading the lyrics in English.  We will say that it takes courage to get up literally in front of Europe and make fun of it.  

Norway

Gåte.  “Ulveham”

These are clearly talented rockers and the song here isn’t bad either.  But it relies a little too much on her screaming and not so much singing the lyrics.  Europe will lap it up.  

Poland

Luna.  “The Tower”

I’m sorry, folks.  There are so many bad songs this year, I’m running out of derogatory things to say.  Mess of a song, pretty much sums it up.

*Portugal

Iolanda.   “Grito”

I think that her voice is beautiful and the song itself is captivating.  We hope they can work on the balance between her voice and the accompanying music so the quality of her singing can really come through.  

San Marino

Megara.  “11:11”

An only mildly entertaining hot mess.

Serbia

Teya Dora.  “Ramona”

She’s got a lovely voice which fits the style of music.  I like the plaintive tones in it, and in places the music is lovely.  But in the end, the whole is less than the sum of its parts.

Slovenia

Raiven.  “Veronika”

“Veronika” means sees the truth.  So here’s the truth we see in this song: it’s crap.

Spain

Nebulossa.  “Zorra”

Well, it was Spain’s entry, so it could have been worse.  Nice message and catchy beat but not a show stopper.  

Sweden

Marcus and Martinus.  “Unforgettable”

“She” might be unforgettable, but this song isn’t.  I think they rely too much on the backing music so that you don’t hear them singing that much.  (“That’s a good thing,” Gunnar says.) Clearly coming from the factory in Södertälje, Sweden that churns out pop songs faster than Nusnäs churn out Dalahästar, this otherwise formulaic—albeit danceable—song stands out  only because it is competing in weak field.

Switzerland

Nemo.  “The Code”

Not really sure what the song is about, even after reading though the lyrics.  I do kind of like it nonetheless.  It will be interesting to see what it looks like on the stage, given the interesting video.

Ukraine

Alyona Altona and Jerry Heil.  “Teresa & Maria”

There are some pretty moments in the music of this number, but it seems to be disjointed.  And rap doesn’t work unless you know the language, even if we were impressed with how rapidly she said what she said. 

*United Kingdom

Olly Alexander.  “Dizzy”

Olly brings a very catchy tune with hints of Erasure that makes you want to get up and dance to it.  He sings it well, and it’s a real of ear worm (don't listen to it before bed or you'll dream of it).  Too bad that it is very rare for the UK to get noticed at Eurovision, he’ll at least get some points though, we predict.

 The Results of the Radio Free Järbo Jury

12 Points    Italy

10 Points    Belgium

 8 Points    Portugal

 7 Points    Estonia

 6 Points    Lithuania

 5 Points    Switzerland

 4 Points    Slovenia

 3 Points    France

 2 Points    Ukraine

 1 Point    Cyprus

Radio Free Järbo's Guide to Eurovision 2023

The Coronation Edition

Last week, European heads of state gathered in London for the King's coronation.  All of that was merely the warm up for this week when European musical royalty convenes in Liverpool to crown the king or queen or both of Eurovision.  Imagine, the Eurovision coronation will be longer that that other one, if that's possible.  And there will be music that is just as good (although the Alleluia by the gospel choir was a knockout).  Unfortunately, we won't have the king's hunky equerry Johnny Thompson on stage the whole time but I'm sure it will still come out just fine.  

Otherwise, here it is, folks, the annual, hotly awaited Radio Free Järbo Guide to all the songs in Eurovision.  Don't know who to vote for?  Don't worry.  Just do was we tell you and all will go just fine.  

 

🇦🇱*Albania  

Albina and Familja Kelmendi 

“Duje” 

I really like that the Albanians almost always sing in their own language and use the plaintive Balkan tones in pop music settings.  It really sets their songs apart.  It’s just that I generally don’t like what Albania typically sends.  Thankfully, this song is an exception.  The vocals are strong vocals, and the beat is really catchy.  I love that she has her family with her.  It was great in the video and even better on stage.  I'm glad they made it through to the final.  

🇦🇲Armenia

Brunette

“Future Lover”

Well, at least I like the piano and there are parts of it that do catch your attention.  But at the end of the day, the song doesn’t hang together any better musically than whatever that outfit is that she is wearing in the video does sartorially.  Kind of forgettable.  What was I writing about again?  She gives it a good performance in the semi-final at least.  

🇦🇺Australia

Voyager

“Promise”

This sort of reminds me of the Thompson Twins, but only if they were on acid.  It’s OK as rock goes, but not great rock.  I mean, you can listen to it, but it doesn’t come across as very original or different.  That’s a surprise, because I would have expected better from Australia.  When they did it live in the first semi-final, though, it seemed to "rock" more than in the video, which helped, and is likely why they made it through to the final.  

🇦🇹Austria

Tea and Salena

“Who the Hell is Edgar?”

This is the kind of song you don’t really like, but you might dance to it at a bar when you’re too drunk to keep going but neither you and nor your partner want to be the one to suggest you sit down.  So you’re glad for a good beat to make it easier to just go through the motions.  Were I Edgar and I wrote this song, I’d prefer to stay anonymous.  Fun video, though.  You should watch it.  They managed to bring some of the fun of the video in their stage performance, but it didn't work for me.   

🇦🇿Azerbaijan

TuralTuranX

“Tell Me More”

I like the voices of these singing brothers.  The problem is that the best parts of this song are when they are singing together, because they harmonize well.  They would have been better with a song that allowed them to work that harmony much more than this weak vehicle does. It’s just an OK song, and they didn't project out on the stage as much as they did in the video.  

🇧🇪*Belgium

Gustaph

“Because of You”

I know I fault some of the songs in Eurovision as "been there, done that." And while you can say that about this song, the unmitigated fun of it wins the day anyway.  This sounds like a like a song from the 80’s when a disco-diva (or drag queen) would have belted it out, right down to the beat.  (I dare you not to tap your foot.)  Gustaph channels every disco diva he has ever heard in his performance on the video, and makes it a lot of fun.  The staging, although simple enough, was perfect for the song and celebrated the fun of it.  I loved his outfit--I was as if they were making a musical out of the Father Brown Mysteries on BBC where Father Brown comes out and trades in his cassock for this.  

🇭🇷Croatia

Let 3

“Mama ŠČ”

Don’t ask me.  I haven’t got a clue (even after reading the translation of the lyrics) and don’t like the song enough to want to get a clue.  How they got sent through to the final is just beyond me to explain.

🇨🇾*Cyprus

Andrew Lambrou

“Break a Broken Heart”

It’s a really nice little song, which he sings really well.  And, he’s cute.  I wish the music didn’t drown out this voice as much as it does in the video, though.  He had some of the same issues in the live staging.  Australia (where the bio says he lives) should have sent him instead of the act they did. 

🇨🇿Czechia

Vesna

“My Sister’s Crown”

Disorganized mess, even if the message might be important.  Only the video is worse than the song.  The staging redeemed it a little bit, but still not my cup of tea.

🇩🇰Denmark

Reily

“Breaking My Heart”

This song and performance is all just too teeny-bopper for my taste. I really hate all the electronics mixed into the banal vocals.  As predicted, it is Denmark that is heartbroken that he got sent home.  

🇪🇪*Estonia

Alika

“Bridges”

There is something about the way she sings this very simple, well constructed song that is completely engaging.  It is just right for her crisp, clear voice.  The video almost detracted from it.  And as much as I loved how she sang it on the video, her live performance in the semi-final was even better.  One of our favourites. And she's in the final! 

🇫🇮Finland

Käärija

Cha Cha Cha

This pretty much defies description. WTF with the WWF in the video?  Not sure what the stagin was about.  

🇫🇷*France

La Zaire

“Évidemment”

If Edith Piaf sang a disco classic while wearing a Coco Chanel dress (in the video), this would be the result.  It’s a great song and she has got just the right voice to pull it off.  Bravo to France for going back to its musical roots (after the mistake they made last year), successfully giving them a modern twist.  

🇬🇪Georgia

Iru

“Echo”

OK, whatever.  I just don’t like her voice, and because she has to more or less scream over the music to be heard, or chooses to scream, it just makes it worse.  The drums in the background music are really good though, and I kept wanting her to shut up so they could be heard better.

🇩🇪Germany

Lord of the Lost

“Blood and Glitter”

Did David Bowie have a baby with Satan?  I don’t like the way the song comes out in the official video.  Oddly, I saw a different version of it also online and it was actually a much better example of rock of its kind.  Let’s see how it comes out on the Eurovision stage. 

🇬🇷Greece

Victor Veronicas

“What They Say”

I can’t say I am the world’s biggest fan of his voice or of this song.  I kept looking away from the video and thinking how much Greece and Cyprus are in a battle of the young male singers this year.  So, if I’m doing that and writing notes while the song is playing, that’s not really good, is it?  On stage, what I assume was supposed to be choreography had him being a human pogo stick in a boy scout uniform.  But, he's all of 16.  I think another few years of experience and he'll be quite good.

🇮🇸Iceland

Diljá

“Power”

Not bad, not great.  She has a really nice presence in the video, less so on the live stage in the semi-final, but the song isn’t all that good, unfortunately.  I much prefer her voice better in the lower ranges where it has a richer tone.  Unfortunately, this song doesn’t need it, leaving one disappointed.  

🇮🇪*Ireland

Wild Youth

“We Are One”

Poor Ireland.  Even when they send a good song, at least in my humble opinion, Europe never votes for them.  I don’t understand why.  So I was almost hesitant to say how much I love this song, because it may jinx them.  And it did!  I like the rocking, little bit of U2 in their sound, and the lyrics work for their style.  Not a bad beat either.  The video was just awful, though, and the live staging wasn't much better.  They didn't seem to win over the audience. 

🇮🇱Israel

Noa Kirel

“Unicorn”

Here’s another singer with a lot of talent and an engaging presence, but the song, which started out with promise, ends up as pretty much total crap.  The fun video at least makes up for it.  I was hoping she could get the strings to play upside-down on the stage.  I didn't like it live.

🇮🇹*Italy

Marco Mengoni

“Due Vite”

Already a huge Marco Mengoni fan from his first outing at Eurovision, he could get onstage and sing the phone book and I’d swoon.  While not the best of all of the songs he has sung (and which I’ve bought), he is still a strong singer who sings the hell out of this one.  He doesn’t need back up or pyrotechnics to make an impression, just a microphone.  That he is easy on the eyes is frosting on the cake.

🇱🇻Latvia

Sudden Lights

“Aijā”

There is something very interesting about this song; it’s a little different, not quite a ballad, not quite a rock song, but not run of the mill either.   The video was weird and the song is better just when you listen to on its own.  I liked how they did it on stage, but Europe gave them a pass, unfortunately.  Songs that were far worse went through.  

🇱🇹Lithuania 

Monika Linkytė

“Stay”

Lithuania has sent some strong singers in the past, and here is another one.  I like the power she can give her voice when she needs to.  The backing vocals are a good match for her and they work beautifully together.  

🇲🇹Malta

The Busker

“Dance (Our Own Party)”

I’m not sure this song would have gotten such high marks from me without the saxophone.  But a big stage like Eurovision needs a lot of energy and hopefully these guys can knock it out of the park when it counts. There are some really fun parts to their video, as with their live performance, and sometimes, the music is about the fun.

🇲🇩Moldova

Pasha Parfeni

“Soarele şi Luna”

While the flutes in it are quite nice, the rest of it isn’t my cup of tea.  The video gave me a headache.  The live performance was a bit of a hot mess, and yet, Europe lapped it up apparently.  I'm still scratching my head over this one.

🇳🇱*Netherlands

Mia Nicolai and Dion Cooper

“Burning Daylight”

Every Eurovision needs at least one good male/female duet and this one is a knockout.  I like each of their voices separately, and when singing together the whole is greater than the sum of the two excellent parts  The song is musically intriguing but holds enough simplicity to let their voices do the work.  Probably our favorite, but as usual, deeming it so in advance of the competition doomed them to go down in flames in the semi-final.  This is really unfair as, like other good singers in that semi, they didn't get the votes the talent deserves.

🇳🇴Norway

Alessandra

“Queen of Kings”

I’ll need to get back to you on this one. It is for sure different and has a catchy beat (it’s a bit of an ear worm, too), but I’m not sure what it is about, either.  The video online on the Eurovision website is so weird, it actually detracts from the song.  The onstage performance was a little better, which isn't saying much.  

🇵🇱Poland

Blanka

“Solo”

Here is another song that isn’t quite my cup of tea in general, but which I think will do really well.  The beat is beyond catchy, and while the lyrics don’t quite approach high art, they make the point of the song quite well in a way that should hit home to a large number of people.  She needed to project a stage presence through the TV and into the audience to grab their attention as well as she does in the official video, and I think she succeeded.  She's a good performer.

🇵🇹*Portugal

Mimicat

“Ai Coração”

I love the Latin beat of this song and it was all I could do to not get up and dance to it.  The words are kind of fun as well, assuming the English translation does justice to the original Portuguese.  I wasn't sure if Europe will go for it, although they certainly did a few years ago with "Amor para dos."  But she made it through.  The energy of the live performance won the day, we think.    

🇷🇴Romania

Theodor Andrei

“D.G.T. (Off and on)”

There’s a vampy rock beat to this song that is very alluring and fun to listen to, which I presume is meant to go with the sexual innuendo of the lyrics.  I’m just not sure his voice is big enough to carry it off, which is too bad, because he is clearly feeling the music and enjoys acting it all out.  Wasn't sure about the pink shorts suit, though.  I think that was a miscalculation.  

🇸🇲San Marino

Piqued Jacks

“Like an Animal”

Some of the songs in Eurovision I have hated the most have represented San Marino.  This year they are continuing the tradition.  Dumb song, not much of a tune, and subpar performance.  There are much better rock entries this year.  

🇷🇸Serbia

Luke Black

“Samo Mi Se Spava”

This number is a way too electro-pop for me, not that that’s bad per se.  At the end, without the technology of the staging and electronically enhanced “music” (if I dare call it that), there isn’t really anything there, certainly not much singing.  It’s hard to tell if there are hints that there might even be a voice there if he tried—or it could just be that it is all electronic background noise because he can’t sing as well as he performs.  It’s probably not worth the effort to find out.  And what's up with the "Serbian on a Half Shell" staging?

🇸🇮*Slovenia

Joker Out

“Carpe Diem”

There is a fun energy to this song which, I supposed, is required for one that is basically about partying all night long.  I like their sound and the very catchy beat of the song itself.  Really gald they eked it out to make it to the final so we get to see it again.

🇪🇸Spain

Blanca Paloma

“Eaea”

I would normally like the flamenco-like sound of this song that showcases the influence of the Middle East in Spanish music.  But this doesn’t work for me—it’s a bit to avant-garde and not enough real vocals, just vocalizing.  

🇸🇪Sweden

Loreen

“Tattoo”

For me, it's hard to get high from recycled "Euphoria."  Look, I speak Swedish, go there often, have friends and cousins-in-law there.  But this song just isn’t as good as it as made out to be.  Vapid lyrics and not much music about sum this one up, and Sweden had much, much better songs from which to choose than this.  And can someone tell me why she is singing in a waffle iron?  The environmental activist who stormed the stage during her performance at Melodifestivalen should have been protesting the noise pollution of this dreadful song.  And yet, I have a dreadful feeling she just might win Eurovision again.  

🇨🇭Switzerland

Remo Forrer

 “Watergun”

Remo Forrer makes singing look easier than it is, and, in doing so, takes what would otherwise be just an OK song and makes it pretty good.  He’s got such good vocal control that the low registers come out as clear as the upper ones do.   Certain Europe will hate it, I was very glad to see he will go through to the final.  

🇺🇦*Ukraine

Tvorchi

“Heart of Steel”

Well, this could hardly be more different than the Ukrainian entry that won last year, and, musically at least, it is much more deserving of a win.  Great beat, great R&B/hiphop vibe, and words worth listening to.  It doesn’t get much better than this.

🇬🇧United Kingdom

Mae Muller

“I Wrote a Song”

It’s the lyrics that make this song, so if it is to be successful, she’s got to make sure we can hear the words clearly and still make it all work on the big stage.  I like the beat to the song, even if musically it isn’t very unique.  Still, another UK number that may—gasp!!—even get some points!  At least a single digit talley.